"Oh this is a first. Three fat chicks and they didn't order three diet cokes."
"How long does it take a 300 pound man to eat a fucking piece of tiramisu?! Just shove it in your mouth, I know you want to!"
"That's what we should ask people at the front door: 'which smell would you prefer? Wet dog, pee or dirty feet?'"
"'Oh, I'm allergic to dust' Go fuck yourself. Go live in a bubble and leave me the hell alone."
"How much would you give me if I threw this tray across the room?"
A girl at Esteban's table leaves her number for him, written on the check. When he shows it to The Crazy Waiter: "Esteban, you can't pay your bills with pussy."
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