California Fridays

Esteban: Did you know TJ made up "California Fridays"? As in, on Fridays he only pushes wine from California. What the fuck? I wish I sold enough wine that I could just pick a region.

The Low-Rent Top Ten (or so), By TJ Giglio

In an effort to keep all of you loyal readers undoubtedly in-the-know, TJ has graciously volunteered to list off, in his opinion, the top "low-rent" things, actions, etc. seen in restaurants.
Enjoy.

-A customer ordering beginning a request with, "Lemme get a ______."

-Indulging in ranch dressing in a public setting.

-Use of the term "regular" (i.e. "I'll have the regular salad"). I didn't grow up in your father's house. I don't know what's "regular" to you.

-When given olive oil for bread, a customer asking, "do you have butter?" Additionally, when non-Italian people get butter at a restaurant and ask for olive oil. You're not Italian. You don't really like that. You just saw an episode of Molto Mario.

-Sprite.

-A customer referring to a lobster tank as an "aquarium."

-A customer asking to add cheese to anything not coming with cheese.

-The use of the word "water" as a verb by waitstaff (i.e. "Connie, can you water table 36?"

-A server saying a table number loud enough for a customer to hear.

-Giving a handful of plastic creamers for coffee.

-Placing a drink or food item on top of a menu on the table.

-Use of the term "veggie" for vegetable or "parm" for, say, eggplant parmesan.

-The term "combo."

-A server saying "grilled to perfection." Fuck off.

-Asking a server how much he makes.

-The birthday song.

Two Servers Google Chatting

Lauren: i have a feeling i'm outside tonight ever just get those feelings?

Me: just give [the manager] a sexual favor so we can leave.
I better not be outside. i will be so sweaty and gross.
Speaking of favors......[bartender] from [closed wine bar] is apparently working at [another wine bar] now.

Lauren: oh SUPER

Me: ha

Lauren: somewhere else to frequent

Me: we need another wine bar

Lauren: are you still feeling ill?

Me: better since lunch

Lauren: same here

Me: what'd you have?

Lauren: a hangover

Me: for lunch?

Lauren: oh for lunch?

Me: ha

Lauren: a hotdog and fries

Me: nice

Lauren: what are you eating for dinner

Me: family meal?

Lauren: haha i always eat before the shift

Me: i had apple and yogurt for breakfast and salad for lunch then it all goes down the shitter once i get to t-t-t-t-[The Restaurant].
Oh and i hear you had a pool the other night

Lauren: ? what ?
OH yeah.
God i was bored on Tuesday.
I made a pool on what family meal would be.

Me: that's awesome
Who won?

Lauren: well no one technically.
Courtney said rig egg mozz [rigatoni with eggplant and mozzarella]
But it was penne

Me: HA
Lost on a technicality

Lauren: so i gave it to her bc i was too lazy to give everyone their dollar back

Me: that's hilarious

Lauren: i think we should up it to 2 dollars tonight

Me: ok i am cracking up. this is rediculous

Lauren: i already have money down on rig vodka

Me: fine. i got ziti nap

Lauren: oooo and ziti is a good choice bc it COULD be penne or rig and TECHNICALLY you aren't wrong by saying ziti

Me: bam!

Lauren: so scratch that i got money down on ziti vodka

Me: no way. unfair.

Lauren: now doesn't that just make your stomach turn

Me: ugh

Ticklish Tanninberry Time!

It started out as a joke in the pre-shift meeting:

Manager: Mark, describe this Cabernet.
Mark: It's jammy and has delicious ticklish tanninberries.

It's lame but for some reason keeps us endlessly entertained. I'm not exactly sure how this translated into the little game we now play at the restaurant....

Whenever a table leaves a substantial amount of wine in a bottle or if a large group has an open bar tab we take it upon ourselves to sample some wine. And by "sample," I mean "chug."

For example, last night Mark managed to get two full glasses of Chardonnay from a deserted bottle. He hid them in a the back server station then approached Fritz, Heather and I across the restaurant and yelled, "Ticklish Tanninberry Time!"

We all, like rockets, took off running toward the back station. Fritz and Mark screeching to a halt, got to the glasses first and chugged the first halves. Then they quickly pass off the glasses to Heather and I to knock out the rest. All in under 15 seconds. High fives all around.

Love those ticklish tanninberries.

Definition of the Day: Buy Back

Buy Back - n. - A free drink from a bartender given to a customer who exhibits one or more of the following behaviors: extensive tipping, having a really great personality, or being extremely attractive.

Proper usage--
One bartender to the other: "Give that guy a buy back. He's mad chill and hooked me up with a fat tip last time he came in."

Incorrect usage WHICH I ACTUALLY HEARD SOMEONE SAY THE OTHER NIGHT--
Douchebag customer to the bartender: "Do you guys do buy backs here?"

Ok. You can't ASK for a buy back! Would you go in to a restaurant and ask your server for a free appetizer just cuz? No. To be honest I was a little delighted when I heard this, as my friend John was bartending that night. First of all, that particular bar is very liberal with their free-drink-giving so had he not asked the question, he probably would have gotten a free drink. Second of all, John is from New Jersey and doesn't take a lot of shit...especially from some guy who brings his own pool cues to the bar and has the collar on his polo shirt popped. So here's what happened:

Guy: Do you guys do buy backs here?
John: Uh, sometimes we do.
Guy: Ok cool, because this is my third beer.
John: Ok buddy. I'm glad you're keeping track.
....
John (to the other bartender): See that fucking guy over there? Don't give him shit.