Two ways to patronize your patrons

1. When customers ask where the bathroom is, a few servers will say, "Past the bar down the grand staircase." Did you hear me? "The Grand Staircase." Now I know what you're imagining: spiraling hardwood steps with a gold banister under a crystal chandelier. The steps at The Restaurant are more reminiscent of the steps going down to a storm cellar in Kansas circa 1925. I wonder how many people walk right past the steep rickety ladder we try to pass off as a staircase and think to themselves, 'now that can't possibly be it,' and keep going...

2. No matter what, no matter when, the blender is ALWAYS BROKEN. Always. Okay, it's not actually ever broken, but that's what you tell people who come into an Italian restaurant and order a god damn VIRGIN PINA COLADA!?!! Sorry, ma'am. And no. We don't have sweet tea either.