"You're killing me!"

So I have a party of 12 people. They have a pretty decent check, lots of wine, pretty friendly for the most part. The exception is this one woman who has just been miserable the entire meal. Bitching at people, scowling, just an overall snobby lady, not unlike many of our other customers.

As I've said before, The Restaurant is by no means a diet-friendly establishment. After their meal, which consisted of an exorbitant amount of fried, fatty, lard-covered shit, I ask if they would like dessert or coffee. They order a massive amount of cheesecake and chocolate nastiness. I go around for coffee orders and when I got to the mean woman our conversation went a little something like this...

Me: Coffee? Cappuccino? Espresso?
Her: I'll have a cappuccino with skim milk.
Me: I'm sorry, we don't have skim.
Her: (astonished) What!? ...Ok, 2% then.
Me: I'm sorry, we only have whole milk.
Her: Seriously? Uuuughhh! You're killing me!

Me?
No bitch.
That pound and a half of fried calamari you just inhaled is killing you.

Go to Starbucks.